Held in Loving Hands

"Do not fear, for I am with you; so not be anxiously look about You, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

--Isaiah 41:10

Strewn leaves lay across the path that led through the woods to Joy’s favorite thinking spot. The place was at the edge of a large pond surrounded by tall oak trees. A bench provided a place for Joy to sit down and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation as she meditated on His Word and spent time in prayer. Joy had discovered this spot not long after arriving at Bible College in the early fall. Her parents and younger siblings had dropped her off and said a tearful goodbye. Joy loved her classes and the challenges her professors presented. Living in the beautiful northern Pennsylvanian mountains took Joy’s breath away.

Today, however, seemed gray and gloomy even though the sun shone brightly overhead. Joy’s heart was weighed down with a secret burden that seemed so silly and insignificant, but caused her great agony in her spirit. She sat down on the bench and gazed out across the pond. She picked up a stone and through it at the peaceful water. She tried to smile and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation around her, but her throat constricted and her eyes became blurry. A tear slipped down her cheek, which was quickly wiped away.

Joy let out a deep and weary breath and rested her head in her hands. “God, I can’t go on…I don’t want to go on. Why does my heart have too hurt so much? Why can’t I be like the other girls in my dorm and not get homesick at all?” She shook her head. “I wanted to leave home so bad…I was ready to take on the world, but I never thought my heart would ache like this.”

Joy looked up as a flock of Canadian geese took off flying from where they had been on the pond. “Father, I want to live for You; I want my life to be spent glorifying Your name, but I can’t even get through a day without feeling this agony wash over my spirit. Such a great pressure weighs upon my heart to be home. How am I going to last the eleven and a half weeks before Christmas break? Oh, Christ, only through Your grace can I survive.”

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A weeks passed and Joy experienced highs and lows. She pushed on in her studies and worked diligently on the projects she had due. She enjoyed spending time at church and getting involved in children’s church, working with two and three year olds. She felt right at home with the little children and loved every moment she spent with them. She desperately missed her little sisters and brothers. Monday evenings she attend the Student Missionary Fellowship on campus. Tuesdays Joy stayed busy in the afternoons helping out in the alumni and church relations office: calling alumni, labeling letters, and other secretarial work. Her days were full, but somehow empty.

Some of her favorite times were spent running on campus. She used the time to listen to sermons on her MP3 player, and talk to God. She ran down by the pond and around the soccer field. The time was special as she found strength in the Lord through His Word.

However, one night Joy’s heart broke down with sadness. The phone call from her family was just what she needed, but it also left her longing for more. She could not hold back the tide of tears the had threatened to spill down her cheeks countless times before. She cried until she could cry no more, and then she surrendered.

“Oh, God, I can’t keep fighting you. You brought me here so far away from home, and by Your strength I will remain here. I won’t quit, but I can’t make it on my own. I am hurting so much, and I don’t think anyone else could possibly understand. I feel like a complete wimp, but I have never hurt so much before in my life.” She wiped her eyes. “Father, forgive me for not submitting to your will---even though I am hurting, I will press on. You are my God and You are the one I will serve.”

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The next day Joy walked down her path to the bench by the pond. She sat down and bowed her head. Turmoil still churned in her being, but a quiet peace settled over her heart. She gazed out over the pond and smiled as she watched squirrels playing in a nearby tree. “Lord, I am yours. You brought me here for a reason and until You say my time here is over then I will stay. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I miss my family. Father, You never promised that this life would be easy. I am to count it all joy when I face trials---help me do that now. Help me rejoice during this time when I feel all alone. I love You, Father, I love you because of Your love for me.” She sighed.

Joy sat on the bench in silence just sitting and enjoying the scenery around her. She knew her pleas had been heard, that she was held in loving hands that completely understood the depth of her soul. Hands that were also willing to inflict pain in order to allow growth---to place her in the flames in order to refine her soul. Her eyes lifted to heaven and she smiled.

“Lord, You are the one who raises me up when I cannot stand, You hold me When I cannot walk, You comfort me when my heart is overwhelmed, and You are with me---always.”